Time and again you get reminded of the days when you couldn’t get a nap or even a shower. And you would wonder…can you do this again? The dilemma – to be or not to be yet, always lingers and eats you up from inside till you have given it a serious thought and allowed the thought to simmer. There is a lot to take into account about life in general when you are thinking of the second child or the third. The world contributes and muddles your thought process with how it is in the best interest of the first one to have a second one. The only way this riddle gets a headway is if you know who you are, where you are today, and what have you become over the journey of the first one. It is a difficult shift to have. To suddenly go from a giving mode to take a pause, to understand who you are. How have you changed over the years. What does it take to have another little one. And where would you be if you did or didn’t. There are deliberate no “?” marks after each one of them because honestly, all these aren’t really questions, now are they? They are a statement in itself. If you think you are you who you were from 10 years ago, correction. If you think you have managed to preserve the “I” over the parenthood years, think again. And if you think the first one is grown up enough for you to go back being you, you are in for a surprise!
A choice about a second child is a very conscious, deliberate and obvious choice for most. It most definitely should be so. Your expectations out of yourself cannot be the deterrent to raising the second one. Because you gave all you had to the first one, you cannot be at a stage where you do not have much to give away now. Other factors such as financial conditions and other constraints could govern. Some say do not listen to them. But I think they are vital. These conditions are the ones to affect every single decision to come by. Vacations, expense, home loans..education and so much more. And add to that personal ambitions. Do you allow yourself to think about what you want? Or your partner? Have you arrived at a point where you do want to do things for yourself? Well, so be it! Maybe it is time for you to move on. Think ahead. Take active steps to better your life. Accept your own expectations and do not fall into the trap of what-should-be. Be kind but firm with yourself. It takes a while and so take help. Talk to friends. And then decide…the second one to be or not to be.